Shit, Christmas Music

Unfortunately, they listen to Christmas music here in Nicaragua too. Nicaraguans don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, so once Halloween passes it is Christmas-time here. 90 degrees Fahrenheit in the shade Christmas-time. Which is a real shame. Christmas isn’t really a big deal here. Easter is considered a more important holiday. However, retailers still sell lights and decorations and rich Nicaraguans, eager to emulate Americans, buy the crap and decorate their homes while simultaneously polluting our ears with crappy music.

But Jesus wasn’t the most important guy born in December, this guy is:

December 22

December 22

Now, I’ve already expressed my personal indifference to anniversaries, and births are no different. But if you insist on giving me a gift on this occasion, I’m happy to accept it. I’ve even prepared a handy-dandy wish list for this here humble Peace Corps Volunteer:Tumi

  • I’ve expressed my desire for the Tumi Melville backpack (khaki, not “jet” color – what the hell is jet anyway?) before. I must admit, I own a perfectly functional backpack already that I utilize heavily here in Nicaragua. Something just compels me to this Tumi backpack. I’ve found it available online for $150.50. Click on the picture for the link.
  • A digital subscription to The Economist
  • A new pair of Onituska Tigers. My circa 2011’s have seen better days and won’t make it up many more volcanoes.
  • Plane tickets to visits my friends and family in Florida, New York, DC, and Puerto Rico around Easter-Passover time (or visits from my friends and family around the same time, in lieu of me heading back to the US)
  • This next one brings a tear to my eyes. I need a replacement for my long lost brown North Face beanie (not urgently, since the rainy season is all but over here and the only thing that rains down from the sky is skin cancer now). I bought the stylish brown cap in 2010 or 2009 at an end-of-season sale at Yorktown Ski Shop. It just fit my head so well and did a very nice job keeping me warm. A year ago, as my first pelón winter with a freshly shaved head approached, before “polar vortex” became a part of our everyday lexicon, I went searching for my cap but I could not find it, so I had to buy a sub-standard replacement. Luckily, soon afterwards I found the brown North Face and we went back to being two peas in a pod. It accompanied me throughout my last project with EY in New York, and then off to Europe for New Years 2014.

Unfortunately, disaster struck as I left it beside me on the bus from the Dublin Airport to my hotel. I must have still been dazed from having sat next to Paul Krugman on the flight.


I found a pleasant replacement in Mexico, but it doesn’t quite suit the rugged professional look that I am going for, so now I am left only with the unsatisfactory replacement cap and desperately hoping to find an adequate replacement before winter 2016 when the polar vortex will be sure to suck all of the warmth from my body right through my poor exposed scalp.

  • A lightweight “ultrabook” computer with 8+ MB of RAM, 9+ hours of battery life, a super-fast processor, an optical drive, a memory card slot, 500+ GB of SSD memory, Bluetooth capabilities, a good HDMI port, an Ethernet port, Windows 8, and a crystal-clear durable touchscreen display that marvels anyone who glances at photography or watches an HD movie on it
  • Noise-cancelling wireless (Bluetooth) headphones that won’t hurt my ear when I wear them for too long (I doubt these even exist)
  • More realistically, a decent pair of ear buds, since mine broke in Australia so I’m ear-budless and I can’t listen to music on bus rides
  • WordPress, the site that hosts this here blog, has a three gigabyte media upload limit, and I’m at 70% capacity one year in. So if you ever want to see a picture of me again you may have to buy me the upgrade to unlimited media.
  • A job in the future that is multivarried so I will not bore, allows me to help people, and possibly includes travel, but I still have time to see my friends and family, all over the United States and the world, as I please

And if it wasn’t self-contradictory enough to entertain the possibility of soliciting birthday gifts, this here culturally-Jewish atheist who disdains the idea of Hanukkah gifts because it is a minor Jewish holiday that has been propped up by insecure Jews made to feel insecure of Christmas, political correctionists who use it as an excuse for religious sensitivity, and retailers longing for an excuse to Sell! Sell! Sell! is also happy to accept Hanukkah gifts. The first night is December 17th. Here is my address:

PCV Eric Insler
Cuerpo de Paz
Apartado Postal 3256
Managua, Nicaragua
Central America

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